Turning points: Creating meaningful moments with teens
I once had the opportunity to work with a youth group that had a solid team of committed adult leaders, but they were very worried about the youth because nobody would pay attention during the message.
So they had come up with a solid game plan: Adults were posted at each exit to keep students from wandering off, and several adult leaders would sit directly behind the group. As soon as anyone started goofing off during the sermon, one of them would step in and either get them to quite down, or take them out of the service.
Before and after the service, the adults hung out with each other, waiting for their duties to begin.
Extreme measures, and unfortunately, they didn’t work. But what really broke my heart was that these mature Christian leaders, each with a huge heart for students, missed the biggest opportunity to impact students by building relationships before and after the service.
Every possible social scenario eventually happens before or after your youth group, right in your church. From PDA (Public Displays of Affection) to breakups and ackward moments to angry yelling fights, it’s all going to come up eventually. But every one of these moments, big or small, is a priceless ministry opportunity.
Do you ever see a student handle a situation and just wish you could give them a little advice? Maybe they didn’t say “hi” to the new kid and you had an idea on how the could have done that. Or maybe they tried to challenge a friend in their walk with God but ended up spewing judgement on them, and you wanted to encourage them with some ideas on how to be gentler next time.
It’s time to just do it! Here’s how:
- After the fact, find a chance to pull them aside.
- Start with a few questions. Ask about their day first, and ask about what just happened. “Hey, I saw you were trying to encourage Tim over there. Way to go! I was wondering what happened?”
- Listen!
- Share your advice, but don’t use commanding words like, “should” and “you need to.” Instead, offer suggestions and ask for their input. Join them in the journey.
It’s easy, so don’t hold it in anymore. This is where youth ministry’s rubber meets the road. Take advantage of those teachable moments.
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Great post. I would add a step in between listening and giving advice. Let them know that they’ve been heard. Questions like, “so, you feel discouraged because you tried to help and it didn’t work?” helps them to know that you get them and helps you check your accuracy before giving advice.
Great post. At least with my own kids, I find that saying things like, “tell me more,” or “explain that to me…” get them to really open up.
It seems kind of backwards, but the more I just listen to teens, the more they seem to trust me and, like @Joyce said, open up. But usually for some reason we want to do all the talking–that tends to have the opposite affect. Asking questions and listening is definitely the key here.