Posts Tagged ‘Youth Group Meetings’

There’s a lot of talk about relationships in youth ministry today, and I’m glad to see it.

Program-driven youth ministry (youth groups that rely on sermons and events to change teens’ lives) aren’t working. Relationship-focused youth ministries (youth groups that focus a majority of their energy on developing meaningful God-centered relationships with students) are our only hope.

But relational ministry has become a buzz word.

Everyone nods their head and agrees enthusiastically when you talk about relational ministry. You might even be nodding your head right now. But is it truly the driving force behind our ministries? What is that motivation deep down inside us that might be pulling us away from what we know is best?

How do we know if we are really committed to relationships in our youth ministry?

Here are a few questions to ponder that can help uncover our deeper motivations:

• What do you spend a majority of your time on?
• If someone asked about your youth ministry, what is the first thing you would tell them?
• Would you truly be content or satisfied at the end of the day if fewer teens came every week, but you saw deeper spiritual growth happening in the few students that did stay?
• Are you willing to give up anything and everything about your ministry—even the weekly meeting—if you found a model that made a deeper impact on your students?

We should  constantly reevaluate ourselves if we truly want to be focused on relationships. Numbers aren’t bad, but they can be meaningless.

Notice I didn’t say “we need to reevaluate our programs.” What we really need is to constantly examine and reexamine where we are spending our precious time and if we are spending our time on what we know will have the greatest impact.

Special note to leaders of larger groups (or leaders that want their group to grow): “Relational ministry” can’t always mean that you have a relationship with every student. Effective youth leaders have found ways to reproduce themselves in student and adult leaders (just look at Moses) while still emphasizing relationships all the way down the “leadership chain.”

Lex has got to be one of the coolest student ministry leaders I know. If I could trade all my youth ministry skills for someone else’s, I would trade with Lex.

Talking about entertainment in youth ministry, she recently commented that she has to constantly remind herself, “I’m not running a Chuck E Cheese… I’m not running a Chuck E Cheese….”

Why?

Because youth pastors are “so constantly bombarded with entertainment-based images and stories that even though we may KNOW it’s not the best way to go, it’s hard to maintain that conviction.”

Why do we want to give into that tendency to entertain first and disciple second? (Which can easily turn into entertain often and disciple rarely.) Is it possible that there’s something deeper going on inside us as leaders?

There is a rational reason to try to draw kids in with some excitement. Once we get them in the door we can throw them a curve ball–Jesus! Religion! Bet you never saw that coming! The ol’ bait ‘n’ switch, right?

What if there is an insecurity inside us about the size of our youth group? Is it possible that we’re afraid of what will happen if we stop entertaining? Will we feel like failures if our youth groups stop growing, or even shrink, because we played fewer games and spent more time talking about deep, rich spiritual truths?

I’ll admit that the thought definitely crosses my mind.

A few years ago I was the youth pastor for a small church in a small town in East Texas. This group was a rough, rough crowd. Most of the teens came from broken homes and very painful backgrounds. Several of the guys probably could have beaten me up if they wanted to.

When I first started, I knew I would have to learn a lot to relate with the group. So I spent as much time as I could on their “turf,” in the back allies and sitting on broken park benches, just chilling. When they came into the youth room, I wanted to make sure they had a good time so they’d at least come back, right?

I tried every game I knew and every “ice-breaker” activity in the book. Nothing worked, and some stopped showing up. Man, were they a tough crowd.

At that point I figured I had nothing else to lose. I didn’t have any money for Playstations, so I just started to dive deep.

We talked about God, love, life, pain, suffering, peace and purpose. At first, I was the only one talking, but slowly they joined the discussion. We talked about hard issues. It wasn’t easy.

A couple of times, one of the older kids–we’ll call him Dave–got mad and started cussing me out right there in front of the whole group. At first, it was because I wouldn’t let him run his mouth the whole meeting and distract everyone, but it eventually came out that he was mad about what I said about God. Dave could not sit there and let someone talk about a God that is so loving because he had gone through so much pain in his own life.

I stood for the Truth, as best as I could, as loving as I could, by God’s grace. Then I’d go home and think I’d never see him again, and that the others would leave too because of what happened.

But it was those yelling matches, strangely enough, that started to grow the group. Dave started inviting his friends. I think it was because he finally found someone that cared for him enough to dig through the dirt with him and to show him some of God’s answers.

He wasn’t just inviting friends to come to youth group for a good time. Soon, he was the one telling everyone to be quiet and to focus so we could talk about God.

If you really want to disciple your students, you have to go deep. And if you really want to bring in more new students, you have to go deep. Flashy “bait ‘n switch” games will bring a few more in the door, but if you don’t continue to keep them entertained, you’ll probably loose them.

So remember, “I’m Not Running a Chuck E Cheese….”

I was chatting with a new friend about my post on the slippery slope of entertainment, and he mentioned a similair article from a few years ago that asks some very similair questions:

Entertained to Death: The Case Against Entertainment in Youth Ministry by Ken Moser

Ken makes a strong case and points out 7 reasons we shouldn’t use entertainment to reach non-Christians:

• It’s Deceptive.
• It Hides the Real Source.
• It Hides Christian Community.
• It Distorts the Call.
• It’s Hard to Keep Up.
• It Takes Resources.
• It Produces a False Dichotomy.

These can be some very hard ideas to take in. Does he go too far or is he right on? How do we really apply this? Take a look at the article and come back here to post your thoughts.

Read original post: Entertainment at our youth group meetings

I once had the opportunity to work with a youth group that had a solid team of committed adult leaders, but they were very worried about the youth because  nobody would pay attention during the message.

So they had come up with a solid game plan: Adults were posted at each exit to keep students from wandering off, and several adult leaders would sit directly behind the group. As soon as anyone started goofing off during the sermon, one of them would step in and either get them to quite down, or take them out of the service.

Before and after the service, the adults hung out with each other, waiting for their duties to begin.

Extreme measures, and unfortunately, they didn’t work. But what really broke my heart was that these mature Christian leaders, each with a huge heart for students, missed the biggest opportunity to impact students by building relationships before and after the service.

Every possible social scenario eventually happens before or after your youth group, right in your church. From PDA (Public Displays of Affection) to breakups and ackward moments to angry yelling fights, it’s all going to come up eventually. But every one of these moments, big or small, is a priceless ministry opportunity.

Do you ever see a student handle a situation and just wish you could give them a little advice? Maybe they didn’t say “hi” to the new kid and you had an idea on how the could have done that. Or maybe they tried to challenge a friend in their walk with God but ended up spewing judgement on them, and you wanted to encourage them with some ideas on how to be gentler next time.

It’s time to just do it! Here’s how:

• After the fact, find a chance to pull them aside.
• Start with a few questions. Ask about their day first, and ask about what just happened. “Hey, I saw you were trying to encourage Tim over there. Way to go! I was wondering what happened?”
• Listen!
• Share your advice, but don’t use commanding words like, “should” and “you need to.” Instead, offer suggestions and ask for their input. Join them in the journey.

It’s easy, so don’t hold it in anymore. This is where youth ministry’s rubber meets the road. Take advantage of those teachable moments.

Every youth pastor knows the importance of relationships.

You won’t see a young person’s life radically changed just by listening to the best sermons. For every solid teen in a youth group, somehow, somewhere, there are committed believers pouring their guts out for that student. For the solid teens that come from Christian homes, that’s often the parents.

But what about the families that aren’t led by parents that love the Lord and disciple their kids?

I believe that family is one of the biggest “gaps” that we as youth ministers are called to fill. God created the family structure so that parents can pass their faith to the next generation. In light of so many families that aren’t doing this, or who aren’t even believers, He has allowed youth leaders to fill that gap by ministering to students.

Problems come when we try to replace the “gap” of strong relationships with programs. Students do not need programs. Students need you.

A fascinating study (abstract here, bottom of page) of youth pastors in the midwest discovered an interesting pattern. These youth pastors firmliy believed in the importance of personal relationships with students, and they also stated that the format of their youth meetings basically weren’t working.

Yet they still spent 80% of their time preparing for those “so-so” meetings, all the while wishing they had more time for relationships.

My question to you is this: Is there something you are doing in ministry, or in your life, that you aren’t getting the results you aimed for? How much time does that take each week? Can that time be better spent on other activities, such as building relationships, that you know have a better chance of growing fruit?

Programs are not inherently bad–in fact, they’re necessary! So please consider these questions prayerfully as they may not be for all of you, but I do believe this is one thing some of us need to hear.

My prayer is that the Lord would use these ideas to drive us to prayer and help us work more dilligently and effectively for Him.

Never in history has there been a more technology-ridden, hyper-connected, entertained generation. So how in the world do we tell them about Jesus?

You can’t keep up! If you try to compete on the “world’s” level, you’re going to loose. Youth group will never be as entertaining as the latest movie, and your personality will never be as enthralling as the next American Idol. I know that’s hard to hear for some of you, but someone had to say it! ;)

So how do you connect?

Be yourself. Students can smell a fake, and if they see you trying to be something you aren’t, they’ll turn away. At the same time, they thrive on authenticity. Confidence in yourself is the name of the game.

Find that unique personality that God put in you, temper it with Christ’s call to love and sacrifice, and live boldly. Ministry is not striving to be who you aren’t, but learning how to use what God has already given you and letting God use you.

Be a friend. Less and less of our students are sticking with the faith through college. When those that do look back at what made a difference in high school, they never talk about the games. They rarely talk about their youth pastor’s messages. But they always talk about the relationships that made an impact on them.

Make a habit of taking time to connect with your teens personally. If you’re not sure how, just start by asking questions and listening. Then prayerfully (and patiently!) watch for that moment of ministry that could impact the rest of their life.

Go deeper. Studies show that teens are hungry for spiritual meat. Don’t be afraid to open up those cans of worms and deliver. Would you rather be known as the “youth group with the grossest games,” or “the youth group that really has answers”?

Some say America walked away from Christianity decades ago when church turned into habit and Christ became a religion.

For many, being a “Christian” is the family they were born into and simply why they try to live a “good life.”

The reality is that reaching this generation is more complex than trying to “get them back into youth group.” Teens are falling away from the saving knowledge of God’s love, and this trend has been happening for years, so we must be well equipped in our response.

So what can we do?

I believe that there are several principles that we need to follow in this rescue operation:

• Direction: Finding guidence and strength in the Lord
• Understanding: Knowing what makes this generation completely unique
• Relationships: Why we cannot rely on “programs”
• Turning points: Creating meaningful moments with teens

I’ll be addressing each of these in future blog posts. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to subscribe so you won’t miss a thing.

Update: All of the follow-up posts are now available–see links above.

I never really thought about what a believer from an unreached nation would think about Christmas in the US.

I just finished reading a chapter from KP Yohannan’s book, Road to Reality. KP was born in India, and he describes the wonder he felt during his first Christmas in America when he thought he was witnessing an entire country celebrate the birth of Christ with lavish decorations, events, endless gifts and too much food.

He goes on to describe the shock and disappointment he experienced when he realized it was all a big hoax. People weren’t spending all this money to remember Christ. They were spending it on themselves!

So he asks, how can a nation full of lukewarm Christians constantly pour their energy and finances into mumbling the Gospel to themselves over and over, when countless billions still remain unreached in the far corners of the globe?

Does your youth group know that their are thousands of people groups that still haven’t heard the name of Jesus Christ? Take some time to study up on them yourself. Operation World and the Joshua Project are great resources.

But it can’t stop with learning. Challenge your students to get on the mission field this summer, or take the whole group with you. Be sure your trip focuses on evangelism and the unreached–that is where you can make the greatest impact, and what will have the greatest impact on your students, too.

Apparently there’s a “greater” debate out there between whether today’s teens are the smartest or the dummest generation America has ever seen.

I’m not going to lie: There are a lot of things to worry about. To put it plainly, this is the most ADD generation we’ve probably ever seen. Attention spans range from 3-5 seconds, and if they’re not entertained, they’ll leave you in an instant.

How should that affect our youth group meetings? Many times we scramble to keep teens’ attention and draw them into the message or Bible lesson with games and other entertainment. But let me warn you: Entertainment is a slippery slope.

When you entertain a young person, they only want more. One video game, TV show, movie, or iPod is never enough. It’s always about the next one, the latest and greatest, what’s hot and what’s new.

The same happens in youth group. Make them laugh this week and they will ask for more next week. When we use “entertainment” to draw them in, to some degree, that’s what they’ve come to expect. Then they fall into their usual cycle: That was fun, but what’s next? I want something better!

The truth is that we just can’t keep up. We’re competing against MTV, Apple and Hollywood. So many teens leave youth group because it’s just not cool anymore and there’s more fun to have other places. We tried to keep them entertained didn’t take them deeper.

Entertainment cannot be our foundation. It must be something more: The forgiveness and peace of the Lord, and the excitement, passion and purpose that comes only from Him. Now that’s something the world can never compete with! When a young person truly catches on, they’ll never leave. (Dear Lord, help us! Work in our students’ hearts!)

Entertainment is a great seasoning, but it’s nothing without meat. This can be the greatest generation in history to make a stand for Christ, and we’re in the perfect position to help them get there.

It’s a proven fact that teens watch a lot of TV (although they tend to multitask more often now, browsing the web or listening to music while channel surfing). Is anyone concerned about the garbage they’re consuming with all the hours they spend in front of the screen?

A recent Levi’s commercial went farther than most. Two teens, a girl and a boy, undress in front of each other while the camera focuses on the unmentionable areas. There’s a slew of extremely suggestive dialogue, like “You’ve never done this before, right?,” “I’m scared” and “Don’t you trust me?” We learn at the end that they’re really just jumping off a pier into a lake, but by then the damage is done.

This commercial is part of the “Live Unbuttoned” campaign, which you can read more about in the Parent’s Television Council’s newsletter, and it’s not the only one of its kind. The entire campaign is highly provacative and the creator’s intentions is clear–to provoke temptation-laden thoughts and images and connect the Levi’s brand with the concept of an young, sexually active lifestyle.

If you’re not convined that this sort of stuff is all over TV, you can also read a recent article from the Baptist Press highlights a few more “worst of the worst” moments on broadcast TV.

The Levi’s campaign is terrible and enough to convince me to not buy any more jeans from them until they clean up their act. But it raises an even bigger question. How do you protect students from the garbage that’s everywhere on TV? Especially the younger and much more impressionable ones?

I’m starting to teach and encourage students to give up TV. There’s very little good to it, but a whole lot of bad. It’s a high call but there’s nothing but benefits. My wife and I haven’t watched much for several years and our relationship is much richer, with each other and with the Lord. The students I do know that have given it up are not socially akward or maladjusted because of it. In fact, most of them have an even stronger walk with the Lord now.

Why wouldn’t you teach and encourage your students to give up TV? What’s the best way to actually do it?