IMPORTANT UPDATE: Please note that this post was not intended in any way to slander this mom or condemn what she did for her son. That is not my place. I’m merely trying to use this story to discuss deeper issues–namely, that teens need the loving support of parents and adults–and I hope that it is an encouragement for you and your ministry and/or family.

Yesterday I posted about a mom who put a 98-inch screen in her son’s bedroom ceiling. It was actually one of my most popular posts yet–more than 180 people read it in one day!

My question is: Why would she do something like that?

I think most parents of teens are worried about them. Either they’re getting involved with the wrong crowds at school, or they’re not measuring up to any number of expectations. Christian parents are especially concerned about seeing their child grow up knowing the Lord, but they’re not always sure what to do about it.

And many of these parents have bought into a few myths about their teens.

One myth says that loving your teens first means giving them all the right opportunities–paying for every extracurricular under the sun and driving them to every activity imaginable, including youth group. Another says that above all else, teens want freedom and entertainment.

What teens truly need and want deep down inside, in addition to a true relationship with the Lord, are adults that truly care for them, support them, and love them.

And this is the one thing teens don’t get. As they are rushed from activity to activity or drowned with entertainment, they constantly hear parents say with their actions, “I can tell you that I love you with my mouth, but I really don’t have time for you.”

Parents, spend time with your teens–and kids of all ages. It doesn’t have to be structured activities or expensive outings and vacations. Just spend time with them. Next to your full-time job, this should be what takes up the most of your time.

If you want to spend time with your teens but it just doesn’t happen, make it happen. Put it in your calendar (over and over), and if something else comes up, tell them you already have an appointment. Do whatever it takes.

Here are a few more tips to get the most out of this time with your teens:

• Listen more than you talk.
• Silence is okay.
• Find out what they want to do and be willing to do it with them, for a long time, again and again, no matter how boring it may be for you.
• Even if you’re showing them how to do something (like cooking or fixing the car), don’t turn into the parent that just gives orders and can’t be pleased. Help them along by asking questions and let them make mistakes so they can learn and enjoy the process with you.
• Choose your battles. Resist the temptation to get angry with your kids over frivolous things.

Countless studies have shown that kids with supportive parents are set up to succeed in life, and those without parental figures in their life are more likely to do all sorts of risky things and even end up in jail.

If you can’t afford that 98-inch screen for your kids’ bedroom ceiling, that’s OK. All they really want is you anyway.

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