Relationships: Why we cannot rely on “programs”
Every youth pastor knows the importance of relationships.
You won’t see a young person’s life radically changed just by listening to the best sermons. For every solid teen in a youth group, somehow, somewhere, there are committed believers pouring their guts out for that student. For the solid teens that come from Christian homes, that’s often the parents.
But what about the families that aren’t led by parents that love the Lord and disciple their kids?
I believe that family is one of the biggest “gaps” that we as youth ministers are called to fill. God created the family structure so that parents can pass their faith to the next generation. In light of so many families that aren’t doing this, or who aren’t even believers, He has allowed youth leaders to fill that gap by ministering to students.
Problems come when we try to replace the “gap” of strong relationships with programs. Students do not need programs. Students need you.
A fascinating study (abstract here, bottom of page) of youth pastors in the midwest discovered an interesting pattern. These youth pastors firmliy believed in the importance of personal relationships with students, and they also stated that the format of their youth meetings basically weren’t working.
Yet they still spent 80% of their time preparing for those “so-so” meetings, all the while wishing they had more time for relationships.
My question to you is this: Is there something you are doing in ministry, or in your life, that you aren’t getting the results you aimed for? How much time does that take each week? Can that time be better spent on other activities, such as building relationships, that you know have a better chance of growing fruit?
Programs are not inherently bad–in fact, they’re necessary! So please consider these questions prayerfully as they may not be for all of you, but I do believe this is one thing some of us need to hear.
My prayer is that the Lord would use these ideas to drive us to prayer and help us work more dilligently and effectively for Him.
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Great reminder, Nate! I think that even though a lot of youth/student pastors know (like you said) that relationships are important, and want to cultivate those relationships, there is still a lot of pressure to produce a good youth group service/program.
Creating a culture where senior leadership and parents understand that we’re emphasizing relationships, for good ministry-driven purposes, might be a good first step. I have no idea how to do that, but I know that student pastors and leaders get a lot of raised eyebrows when they hang out with students. It’s easy for the “grown-ups” to see it as fruitless fun time, which makes it hard to get away with.
(… which means a lot of us do it in our spare time, which means we quickly run out of spare time, which means we get stressed out and burdened easily … but I think my comment is longer than your post now …)
Preach on Lex!!
Any ideas on how you would create that culture with senior leadership? Or is that really in our power to change?
I thought that was your job. ;)
No idea. Prayer and education?
Well, I think that’s a good start. Definitely not an easy answer.
I think we sometimes forget the impact of stories, and instead we rely on broad pleas for help. A great way to influence other leaders in the church is to regularly share stories of youth ministry success & tragedy. Talk about those students whose lives are changed, and contrast it with what was happening in their life or what could have happened if your youth group hadn’t intervened. Talk about those teens your group hasn’t reached yet and what’s happening in their life without the Lord.
As an example, I liked the concept of native missions (supporting native missionaries in other countries so they can be fully devoted to the Gospel) when I first heard about it. It made me nod my head in agreement. But I was sold out after hearing just a couple of stories from native missionaries in India who humbly planted dozens of churches in unreached areas. Now I support them every month.
I think you gotta grow by getting small. Try to aim for about 1 adult leader to every 5-6 kids and then train that adult leader to be their youth pastor.
Much more happens this way - I agree though we continue on with a lot of large group weekly meetings - hard to kill traditions and hard to change